Life is Beautiful

School was not my thing. Well, at least not the academic part of school. The social aspect, the proms, dances, cheerleading, homeroom and recess, those were totally my thing. Unfortunately, I had to endure the academic foolishness to get to the good stuff - kinda like having to eat tuna casserole to get to the peach cobbler. There was even a time or two when attempting to focus on Asian History or Algebra for the sake of a test (and the having to pass it), when I thought.... nay, prayed for tomorrow to not come so I could avoid said exam. I didn't necessarily want the world to end in lieu of taking the test, maybe just go from Tuesday to Thursday for example. That would be cool. Plus, I didn't aspire to work for NASA, I just wanted to be Julie the Cruise Director of the Love Boat. Who needs to know what "x" is or in what dynasty the vase was invented in when I just wanted to direct the fun on the Lido Deck?

Cancer is tuna casserole.  You would never, say, order it at a restaurant.   If your Mom makes this unfortunate dish for dinner, as much as your dog may want to help you out, he doesn't want it either.  It makes you sick at the thought of it.  There are lessons learned because of it being placed before you.  At the end of the day/entree, you can be grateful that it is done (or surreptitiously disposed of), and there's the hope that it NEVER comes back again.

I am now gleefully enjoying peach cobbler, but still have a little taste of the miserable tuna casserole.  This requires some explanation.  First, the peach cobbler.  Below is a video of Roberto Benigni accepting his Best Actor Oscar for Life is Beautiful (replace Sophia Loren with my Oncologist, Roberto for me, the people he is thanking for you):

I love this clip because you can't watch it without smiling.  He is child-like in his enthusiastic joy (especially his two-footed jump up the stage steps).  I feel like this on the inside every day that I get to experience my old normal again.  The list of normal is long and reads as interesting as the phone book - going back to work, bending my knee, driving, standing up for longer than 45 seconds....I'll stop before I overexcite you.  

But then there's the tuna casserole.  The memory of it is so fresh.  I am sure it is a version of post-traumatic stress disorder.  I have flash backs of the worst of it (the cancer and the casserole).  The flash backs are so real, it is like experiencing it again in real-time.  What's worse is the flash-forwards, which involves the what-ifs.  I know this particular cancer has a high likelihood of metastasizing.  Then there are those that are still fighting and suffering.  It is difficult to enjoy your peach cobbler when others are eating hot canned fish.  It is an exercise in positive thinking and faith to not despair .

The problem with this school-girl prayer of mine - "please God, can we skip Wednesday this week, just this once..." is that skipping Wednesday is not the answer.  I just read an article that asked you to think of what is truly wonderful in your life.  It then challenged you to think back to what happened to bring you that joy.  Inevitably, it was something unpleasant (like Asian History), even traumatic (like tuna casserole) that caused a chain-reaction to this day, this happiness that you now enjoy.  Maybe it was loss of a job or a relationship that brought you to a better job or to the person you married.  Cancer has brought me many things clarity, friendships, a deeper faith - and joy.

May we all delight in our normal, embrace our Wendesdays, experience unbridled joy at our success, and never lose hope.  St. Teresa's prayer says it best:

May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that
has been given to you....
May you be content knowing you are a child of God....
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.
It is there for each and every one of us.


AMEN :).