Is This Real Life?

This quote is attributed to 7 year old David, a now You Tube celebrity, after having dental surgery.  He keeps trying to get his bearings, but alas, the drugs have him confused as to what is real life versus a very odd dream.  I felt much the same over much of the last 12 days.

  

My real life Limb-Salvage surgery was on December 30th.  We had expected this to be a long surgery at nine hours, but it took twelve.  We had expected to be in the hospital for seven days and was there for twelve.  Despite the longer hours, and longer stay, the surgery was a great success!  Here are the highlights:

• No skin graft was needed!  It was planned to be an 18 inch long by two inch wide graft taken off of my thigh to cover the wide surgery site. 
• I got to keep my knee cap (patella)!  
• The tumor was indeed over 60% dead, which meant they could take less of my tibia bone out.  
• The prosthetic which goes from my lower femur to above my ankle, including my knee, literally fit into my remaining bones perfectly. 
• Since the prosthetic was such a good fit, less donor bone was needed.  
• When I move, you can hear the "Bionic Woman" soundtrack - best heard here in a scene where (the much forgotten) Bionic Dog saves the day.

That last part (about the Bionic theme song) may have been real life taking a back seat, yet again, which is not an unusual state of affairs for the last two weeks, or more accurately the last three months.  

There are still moments when I wake up and think, for just a moment, that I am going to get a run in, take a shower, get dressed and go to work.  It is a good thing that before I move another inch, my current reality takes hold.  In a flash, there are my crutches, and the realization that I do not have a jam-packed schedule that needs some balancing figured into it.   There are also moments when I am thinking about spending a few days with the family going off here or there.  Then remember that my schedule is actually spoken for by people whom I did not even know three months ago, but on whose expertise I am relying on to live.  Then there are the "Is This Real Life?" moments where John and I are driving our well-worn path to NYC, asking ourselves if we can believe that I have a rare pediatric cancer in my leg.  It still has a wow factor for us, even having been in the reality of it for the last three months.  


What I do know is real life, for sure - is that I am so truly blessed.  

• My husband, daughters, Andrew, Katie and Lou do not leave my side,  have seen me through the worst, and are supernaturally kind, patient and funny.  
• The prayers, notes, gifts, calls, email, food and overall goodness from friends (and their friends) have delightfully overwhelmed our family.   To find the good in the difficulty of this circumstance, is as easy as looking up and seeing you.
• To have the expertise, compassion, and passion for healing that my doctors and nurses have for me and their other patients is to be really blessed.
• Oh! And that stupid cancer that occupied my bone, is now sitting in a bucket on a lab shelf at MSK.  It has left my body, and has been replaced by a decidedly cancer free leg-alternative that can hold refrigerator magnets.

I thank God and you for you being a part of my real life.  It's a really good life, and I really want to keep it.