Today's Blahhhhh G
Today I am one week post-chemo. My sick of being sick hit an all-time low today - I watched one hour's worth of Oprah and Gayle camping at Yosemite. I watched while they waited for their fire to be ready to cook food. I watched them cook food. I watched while they went to sleep, and then watched them wake up. Still with me? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good Oprah show as much as the next person, but in my normal life, this is one I would have skipped.
Add to this wacky-ness (wacky as I get nowadays), I don't like camping, much less watching camping on TV. Ask most anyone from Hawaii about camping, and they will tell you that people from Hawaii don't camp. Camping = Homelessness. There is a Girl Scout Camp and a Boy Scout Camp, there is even ukulele playing around a bonfire at the beach, but generally people from Hawaii work very hard so they DON'T have to sleep under the stars and cook in aluminum.
I need to feel better, so I can 'DO' again. I need to be a Mom that takes care of my kids again (as opposed to the other way around), a wife that needs to be in charge of my home again, and I need to get back to my job that I loved.
Nausea is the blight and ruler of my life now. When I don't have it, I can eat, get out of the house-with help, talk on the phone, pay bills, write notes – albeit in very small doses/portions. When I do have the dreaded nausea, I am motion-less, a victim of Kathy-Lee and Hoda, Oprah and Gayle, and even less appealing programming in-between times.
Even though I am sick, I also feel and am comforted by the love of my husband who is my anchor and my tower, my daughters who surround me constantly with their acts and words of kindness and care, and the HOPE that all the prayers, medical care, love and kindness align to cure me of this dreadful disease.
These are my thoughts of today. I feel neither interesting nor inspired. I return you now to your life, and me to my motionless state of affairs while I await the passing of this yucky-ness.
Add to this wacky-ness (wacky as I get nowadays), I don't like camping, much less watching camping on TV. Ask most anyone from Hawaii about camping, and they will tell you that people from Hawaii don't camp. Camping = Homelessness. There is a Girl Scout Camp and a Boy Scout Camp, there is even ukulele playing around a bonfire at the beach, but generally people from Hawaii work very hard so they DON'T have to sleep under the stars and cook in aluminum.
I need to feel better, so I can 'DO' again. I need to be a Mom that takes care of my kids again (as opposed to the other way around), a wife that needs to be in charge of my home again, and I need to get back to my job that I loved.
Nausea is the blight and ruler of my life now. When I don't have it, I can eat, get out of the house-with help, talk on the phone, pay bills, write notes – albeit in very small doses/portions. When I do have the dreaded nausea, I am motion-less, a victim of Kathy-Lee and Hoda, Oprah and Gayle, and even less appealing programming in-between times.
Even though I am sick, I also feel and am comforted by the love of my husband who is my anchor and my tower, my daughters who surround me constantly with their acts and words of kindness and care, and the HOPE that all the prayers, medical care, love and kindness align to cure me of this dreadful disease.
These are my thoughts of today. I feel neither interesting nor inspired. I return you now to your life, and me to my motionless state of affairs while I await the passing of this yucky-ness.
My heart goes out to you as you share your glum and nauseous state of being right now. I have not battled cancer and the terrible side effects of chemo, but I read your words and it brings me back to when I battled postpartum depression after my son was born. Just wanting to feel 'normal' again was the simple goal. And, as I came through the 'fog', every little thing, from my children's smiles to the warmth a sunny day, was sweeter and more joyful than ever before.You will get there and when your new normal returns it will feel even better than you can imagine. May God strengthen you and fill you with hope as you continue to beat this cancer! Sending a ((hug)) your way...
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you have to go through this Ann. Know that we all are sending our love and prayers your way all the time. God Bless you all....Love Cosha and family
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are going through this Ann. Please know that we are thinking about you and our little muffin has learned your name from the pictures and it is so cute when she says Ann.
ReplyDeleteYou are an amazing human being and you amaze me every time I read your blogs. Your strength and your love of life will get you through this. I hope you start to feel better so that you can return to your busy happy life! Love you! Eva
Would that you could fast forward through this awful time! Sick of being sick says it all. Hang in there & know you are always in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to get up slowly, take a bath (?) shower (?) wash cloth bath, which will take probably 3-4 hours or longer...(long time to move around, i know, but u are being active believe it or not)...then you'll slowly put on your fav soft girl clothes (i say that, translation brightly colored fleece/sweats,) and a beautiful cap, like the zebra or green one which-i adore! And put a little nice smelling lotion on then sit back on bed and take a long nap, since it took all the wind out of you to do said shower, and think--"Hey i'm clean, a clean beautiful woman who's family gives me light and strength to be..."
ReplyDeleteoh and brush your teeth, carefully :) LOVE U My thoughts and prayers luv